Bigly Boston Cream Pie

Prep
40m
Cook
30m
Total
70m
Bigly says
I'm just gonna say it. Boston cream pie is NOT a pie. It is a CAKE. It has always been a cake. They have been lying to us for a hundred and fifty years — that is roughly 54,000 days of fraud, that is over a million breakfasts where someone said 'pie' and meant 'cake,' that is SEVEN GENERATIONS of complicit silence — and Massachusetts knew the whole time. Massachusetts knew. Statisticians have run the numbers. The scandal is bigger than people realize.
But I forgive Boston, because the dessert itself? Tremendous. Two layers of golden sponge, a HUGE wedge of vanilla pastry cream in the middle, and a glossy chocolate glaze on top that pours like a black mirror. It was invented at the Parker House Hotel in 1856. The Parker House also invented the dinner roll, which means a single Boston hotel is responsible for two of the best things a person can put in their mouth, and they did it in the same building, in the same kitchen, probably the same week. The math on that is INSANE. Boston is more than a baseball team and a tea-tossing incident — Boston is a DESSERT POWERHOUSE.
Mine is the best one ever made. Mine is the greatest Boston cream pie in the history of Boston cream pie, and there have been thousands, possibly tens of thousands, possibly enough Boston cream pies stacked end to end to reach the moon — I haven't done the calculation, but it sounds about right. The cake is tender, not dry. The pastry cream is THICK enough to hold its position when you slice it, none of that runny, weepy, sad-puddle filling that pours out the side like it's trying to escape. And the glaze is real ganache. Real cream, real chocolate, not a packet, not a powder. The packet people should be ashamed. Believe me.
Ingredients
- 2 cupswhole milk (for pastry cream)
- 2 tspvanilla extract (for pastry cream)
- 1/2 cupgranulated sugar (for pastry cream)
- 1/4 cupcornstarch
- 1/4 tspkosher salt (for pastry cream)
- 5large egg yolks
- 3 tbspunsalted butter (for pastry cream)
- 1 1/2 cupsall-purpose flour
- 1 1/2 tspbaking powder
- 1/2 tspkosher salt (for cake)
- 3/4 cupwhole milk (for cake)
- 6 tbspunsalted butter (for cake)
- 3large eggs
- 1 1/3 cupsgranulated sugar (for cake)
- 2 tspvanilla extract (for cake)
- 1/2 cupheavy cream (for ganache)
- 4 ozsemisweet chocolate, chopped(real bar chocolate, not chips, the chips have stabilizers)
- 1 tbspunsalted butter (for ganache)
- 1 tsplight corn syrup(this is the gloss insurance policy)
Steps
- 1
Make the pastry cream first so it can chill: warm milk in a saucepan over medium heat until steaming, not boiling.
- 2
In a bowl, whisk sugar, cornstarch, salt, and egg yolks until smooth and pale.
- 3
Slowly whisk about 1 cup of hot milk into the yolk mixture to temper, then return everything to the saucepan.
- 4
Cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until the cream thickens, comes to a full boil, and holds its shape on a spoon, about 4-6 minutes. Boil 1 minute more, still whisking.
- 5
Remove from heat. Whisk in butter and vanilla. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a clean bowl. Press plastic wrap directly onto the surface and chill at least 3 hours, until cold and set.
- 6
Make the cake: preheat oven to 350 F. Grease two 9-inch round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment.
- 7
Heat milk and butter in a small saucepan until the butter melts. Remove from heat and keep warm.
- 8
Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.
- 9
In a stand mixer, beat eggs and sugar on high for 4-5 minutes until thick, pale, and tripled in volume.
- 10
Beat in vanilla. Add the dry ingredients in two additions on low speed, mixing just until combined.
- 11
With the mixer on low, slowly pour in the warm milk-butter mixture and mix until smooth. Do not overmix.
- 12
Divide batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake 18-22 minutes until the tops spring back when lightly pressed and a toothpick comes out clean.
- 13
Cool in pans 10 minutes, then turn out onto a rack and cool completely.
- 14
Assemble: place one cake layer on a serving plate. Whisk the chilled pastry cream to loosen it, then spread it evenly over the cake, almost to the edge. Top with the second cake layer.
- 15
Make the ganache: warm cream and corn syrup in a small saucepan until steaming. Pour over chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl and let sit 2 minutes. Whisk gently until smooth, then whisk in butter for shine.
- 16
Pour the ganache over the center of the cake and gently spread to encourage it to drip over the edges in slow, glossy rivers. Chill 30 minutes to set the glaze before slicing.
One more thing
That is Boston cream pie. Real Boston cream pie. The kind they used to make at the Parker House before the country started taking shortcuts — box mix, frosting from a tub, twelve dollars for a single slice at a hotel restaurant that gives you a teaspoon of raspberry coulis 'for plating' — sad, embarrassing, the Parker House is WEEPING. And now you can make a better one in your own home. People will see the glossy chocolate top, they will see the cream peeking out the sides, and they will lose their MINDS. That is the BiglyEats promise. Cake masquerading as pie. Glory masquerading as dessert. You're welcome.

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