Bigly Chow Mein
Prep
15m
Cook
15m
Total
30m
Bigly says
Folks. Chow mein. The BIGLY chow mein. I've had chow mein in every state in this country. TWICE. I've had it in three countries you've never heard of. Even New Jersey does it well — NOBODY talks about it, but it's true — and the best of my life, I'm not kidding, was in a strip mall in Albuquerque next to a tire shop. A man named Ramón ran the wok. He didn't speak. He just nodded and handed me a plate that rearranged my insides. Meanwhile the chow mein situation in most of America is a TRAGEDY. Sad noodles. Soggy noodles. Noodles drowning in cornstarch gravy like they're trying to escape.
My chow mein is different. Here's what nobody tells you: chow mein literally means 'fried noodles.' FRIED. Not steamed, not boiled, not drowned in glue. FRIED. The chefs who do this for a living in the back of the takeout place know this. The cookbook chefs do not. It's a scandal. The food media won't say it, but most chow mein in this country has never seen a hot dry pan, and that is the entire problem in one sentence.
The greatest chow mein in the history of chow mein. People stop me in airports — tough guys, with the tears in the eyes — they say, 'Bigly, the noodles, what did you do to them, why are they crispy on one side and chewy on the other, you've ruined every other chow mein for me forever,' and I tell them: pan-fry. PAN-FRY. Parboil, drain, DRY — that's the step everyone forgets, the drying, the drying is everything — then smash them into a screaming hot pan with oil and DON'T MOVE THEM. Wait. Let them brown. Flip once. That's the whole game. The other guys are stirring like they're paid by the stir. Embarrassing.
Ingredients
- 1 lbfresh thin egg noodles (chow mein noodles)(look for 'Hong Kong style' in the refrigerated section, not the dried ramen aisle)
- 1 lbboneless skinless chicken thighs, sliced thin
- 3 tbsp, dividedsoy sauce
- 1 tbspcornstarch
- 1 tbspShaoxing wine (or dry sherry)
- 2 tbspoyster sauce
- 1 tbspdark soy sauce(for the color, not optional, the takeout look comes from this)
- 1 tsptoasted sesame oil
- 1 tspsugar
- 1/4 cupchicken stock
- 4 tbsp, dividedneutral oil (peanut or vegetable)
- 3 clovesgarlic, minced
- 1 tbspfresh ginger, minced
- 1/2 mediumyellow onion, sliced
- 1 largecarrots, julienned
- 2 stalkscelery, sliced on an angle
- 2 cupsNapa cabbage, shredded
- 1 cupbean sprouts
- 4scallions, cut into 2-inch pieces
Steps
- 1
Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add the noodles and cook for 1-2 minutes — just until barely tender, they will finish in the pan. Drain immediately, rinse under cold water, and drain again. Toss with 1 tsp oil and spread on a tray to dry while you prep everything else.
- 2
Toss the chicken with 1 tbsp soy sauce, the Shaoxing wine, and cornstarch. Let marinate 10 minutes.
- 3
Whisk the sauce: remaining 2 tbsp soy sauce, oyster sauce, dark soy, sesame oil, sugar, and chicken stock. Set aside.
- 4
Heat a large nonstick skillet or wok over medium-high heat. Add 2 tbsp oil. Once shimmering, add the noodles in an even layer and press down. Cook undisturbed 3-4 minutes until the bottom is golden and crisp. Flip in sections and cook another 2-3 minutes. Transfer to a plate.
- 5
Wipe out the pan. Add 1 tbsp oil and crank the heat to high. Add the chicken in a single layer and sear 2 minutes without moving, then stir-fry 1-2 minutes until cooked through. Transfer to the noodle plate.
- 6
Add the last 1 tbsp oil. Stir-fry garlic and ginger 30 seconds. Add onion, carrots, and celery and stir-fry 2 minutes until starting to soften but still crisp.
- 7
Add the cabbage and bean sprouts. Stir-fry 1 minute.
- 8
Return the noodles and chicken to the pan. Pour the sauce over everything. Toss with two spatulas (or tongs) to coat for about 1 minute, breaking up the noodle pancake but leaving some crispy chunks intact.
- 9
Add the scallions, toss once more, and serve immediately.
One more thing
Make this once and the takeout place around the corner becomes a sad memory. They knew you. They used to wave when you walked by. They wonder where you went. You went HOME, that's where, you went home and made BIGLY chow mein, and now you don't need them anymore. The noodles are crispy on the edges, chewy in the middle, the chicken is tender, the cabbage still has a snap, and you saved fourteen dollars and a delivery fee. Huge. Now go eat.
★ QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE? ★
Ask Bigly about Bigly Chow Mein.
Substitutions, what to serve it with, why other chefs are wrong about it. He's got opinions.
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