Bigly Fried Calamari
Prep
30m
Cook
10m
Total
40m
Bigly says
Calamari. CALAMARI! We are doing BIGLY calamari. The greatest fried calamari ever sent up to a table by a human being in an apron. I have had more calamari than any single person on Earth — scientists, and I have talked to scientists, very smart people, the smartest, they measured my intake with charts, the charts were unbelievable. Tremendous charts. My calamari beats all of theirs, every single ring and tentacle. Not even close. It's a slaughter.
The problem with most calamari is that it's chewy. RUBBERY. You take a bite and it bounces back like a tire. People say 'oh it's supposed to be chewy.' Those people are LYING to you. Those people work for Big Calamari. They want you to accept mediocrity, that's how they get you. The truth is simple: you cook calamari for ninety seconds, OR you cook it for thirty minutes. The minute in between, the dead zone, that's where the rubber lives. The other recipe sites? They live in the dead zone. They have made a HOME there. A total disaster.
We are doing ninety seconds. We are doing screaming hot oil. We are doing buttermilk, because buttermilk makes the squid TENDER — and I won't apologize for the buttermilk, the Italians don't use buttermilk, the Italians are wrong about this, I love the Italians but they are wrong, you can tell them I said so. Lemon. Lots of lemon. Marinara on the side that does not insult anyone. The whole thing comes out crispy, golden, tender as a kiss. Meanwhile the other sites can keep their popups and their 'allow notifications' and their cookie banners with 18 toggles — what notifications, lady, I'm trying to fry a SQUID. Trust me.
Ingredients
- 1.5 lbcleaned squid (tubes and tentacles)(ask the fishmonger for cleaned, you do not want to do the beak yourself, trust me)
- 1.5 cupsbuttermilk
- 1 tbsphot sauce (Crystal or Tabasco)
- 1 cupall-purpose flour
- 1/2 cupfine cornmeal
- 1/4 cupcornstarch
- 1.5 tspkosher salt
- 3/4 tspblack pepper
- 1 tspgarlic powder
- 1 tspsmoked paprika
- 1/4 tspcayenne pepper
- 6 cupsneutral oil for frying (canola or peanut)
- 2lemons, cut into wedges
- 2 tbspfresh parsley, chopped
- 1 cupmarinara sauce (warmed, for dipping)
- to tasteflaky sea salt (for finishing)
Steps
- 1
Slice squid tubes crosswise into 1/2-inch rings. Leave the tentacles whole if small, or halve any large clusters. Pat everything very dry with paper towels.
- 2
In a medium bowl, whisk buttermilk and hot sauce. Add the squid, toss to coat, cover, and refrigerate at least 30 minutes (or up to 4 hours).
- 3
In a wide shallow dish, whisk together flour, cornmeal, cornstarch, kosher salt, black pepper, garlic powder, smoked paprika, and cayenne.
- 4
Heat the oil in a deep heavy pot to 375F (190C). Use a thermometer. Set a wire rack over a sheet pan beside the stove.
- 5
Working in batches of about a handful at a time, lift the squid from the buttermilk, letting excess drip off, and toss in the seasoned flour until thoroughly coated. Shake off excess.
- 6
Carefully lower the coated squid into the hot oil and fry, stirring once or twice with a spider, until pale golden and crisp — 60 to 90 seconds. Do not exceed 2 minutes or you have entered the rubber zone.
- 7
Transfer to the wire rack and immediately sprinkle with flaky sea salt.
- 8
Bring the oil back up to 375F between batches and repeat with the remaining squid.
- 9
Pile the calamari on a platter, scatter with parsley, and surround with lemon wedges. Serve immediately with warm marinara on the side.
One more thing
Salt the calamari the SECOND it leaves the oil — not later, not when you sit down, the SECOND it lands on the rack, the salt sticks to the hot crust and becomes part of the experience. Squeeze the lemon over the top, dunk in marinara, eat with your fingers. Plates are optional. Forks are optional. Dignity is optional. The calamari is NOT optional. You stood at a hot pot. You watched the clock. You did the work. Now go eat.
★ QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE? ★
Ask Bigly about Bigly Fried Calamari.
Substitutions, what to serve it with, why other chefs are wrong about it. He's got opinions.
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