Bigly Pretzel Bites
Prep
25m
Cook
15m
Total
40m
Bigly says
Pretzel bites. PRETZEL BITES. We're talking about the single greatest snack ever invented by the human species, and I've done the research — I've eaten more pretzel bites than any single person on Earth, I had people look it up, they came back stunned, 'Bigly,' they said, 'the numbers are unbelievable,' and I said yes, the numbers ARE unbelievable, but here we are, here's the proof, here are my hands, hands that have held thousands of pretzel bites, possibly millions, the count is ongoing.
Most pretzel bites are a tragedy. A TRAGEDY. You go to the mall — the mall, which by the way is dying, the mall situation in this country is a disaster, but that's another conversation — and you get pretzel bites, and what do you get? Sad little balls of bread with a sprinkle of salt and a sauce that tastes like someone whispered the word 'cheese' over a cup of glue. That's not a pretzel. That's CARDBOARD with ambitions. The bath step. They're skipping it. They're using a lukewarm pat of baking soda water and they're hoping you won't notice, and most people don't notice, which is the saddest part of the whole thing.
The Bavarians had this. The Bavarians INVENTED this. Pre-pyramid technology, some historians say — they were twisting dough and dunking it in alkaline water while the rest of Europe was still trying to figure out the wheel. Very smart people, the Bavarians, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. And we are doing it THE BAVARIAN WAY today: hot bath, aggressive bath, deep mahogany crust, the snap, the chew, that perfect salt crystal that pops on your tongue. And the cheese sauce I'm giving you? Real cheese. REAL CHEESE. Not the orange plastic out of a pump bottle. You'll never go back. You can't go back. Once you've had real cheese sauce the orange pump is dead to you, end of discussion.
Ingredients
- 1.5 cupswarm water (110°F)
- 2 tbspgranulated sugar
- 2.25 tsp (1 packet)active dry yeast
- 4 cupsall-purpose flour
- 4 tbspunsalted butter, melted
- 2 tspkosher salt
- 10 cupswater (for boiling)
- 2/3 cupbaking soda(yes, that much, do not be scared, it is the secret)
- 1large egg, beaten with 1 tbsp water
- 3 tbsppretzel salt or flaky sea salt
- 8 ozsharp cheddar, shredded
- 1/2 cupwhole milk
- 1/4 cuplager beer(skip if you must, swap with more milk)
- 1 tspDijon mustard
- 1 tspcornstarch
Steps
- 1
Combine warm water, sugar, and yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer. Let sit 5 minutes until foamy. If it doesn't foam, your yeast is dead — start over.
- 2
Add flour, melted butter, and 2 tsp kosher salt. Mix with the dough hook on low until combined, then knead on medium for 5 minutes until smooth and elastic.
- 3
Transfer to a greased bowl, cover, and let rise in a warm spot for 1 hour, until doubled.
- 4
Preheat oven to 425°F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
- 5
Punch down the dough and divide into 6 equal pieces. Roll each into a 14-inch rope and cut into 1-inch pieces.
- 6
Bring 10 cups water and baking soda to a rolling boil in a large pot. Working in batches, drop in 10-12 pretzel bites at a time and boil 30 seconds. Lift out with a slotted spoon and arrange on the baking sheets.
- 7
Brush each bite with the egg wash and sprinkle generously with pretzel salt.
- 8
Bake 12-15 minutes, rotating sheets halfway, until deep mahogany brown.
- 9
While the bites bake, toss the shredded cheddar with cornstarch in a bowl. Heat milk and beer in a small saucepan over medium until steaming (not boiling). Whisk in cheddar a handful at a time until smooth. Stir in Dijon. Keep warm.
- 10
Serve pretzel bites hot with cheese sauce on the side.
One more thing
Hot pretzel bites and cold beer cheese. That's a Tuesday. That's a Saturday. That's a Thursday at 4pm because life is short and you have an oven. People will think you bought them from a fancy bakery — the kind of bakery that has a single light bulb and charges twelve dollars for a single cookie, TWELVE DOLLARS — and you will smile and you will not correct them. Let them believe. Belief is part of the meal. Tremendous.
★ QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE? ★
Ask Bigly about Bigly Pretzel Bites.
Substitutions, what to serve it with, why other chefs are wrong about it. He's got opinions.
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