The Best Berry Smoothie
Prep
3m
Cook
0m
Total
3m
Bigly says
Folks. The berry smoothie. The BEST berry smoothie. And I want to be clear up front — I have had many smoothies. So many smoothies. Probably more smoothies than any single human being on Earth, look it up, I've had people look it up. I've had smoothies in California, where they put kale in them and pretend it's good, sad, that's not a smoothie that's a lawn clipping in a cup. I've had smoothies in Florida. I've had smoothies in three countries you've never heard of. The best of my life was in a roadside stand outside Albuquerque, a woman handed it to me in a paper cup, didn't say a word, just smiled. Changed me as a person. True story.
This one is different. This one is HUGE. We're using three berries — strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, the triple threat, the holy trinity of berries — and we're using FROZEN berries, not fresh. Food chemists agree on this. I had a guy with a PhD explain it to me, took him ninety minutes, worth every second. Fresh berries give you a watery smoothie with little ice cubes in it, what is that, that's not a smoothie, that's a fruit slushie someone abandoned at a bus stop. We're not doing that.
Frozen berries plus a splash of milk, a real banana — and the banana has to be RIPE, brown spots, the spotty banana, the banana the other people in your house complain about, that's the smoothie banana, that banana has earned its place — plus Greek yogurt and a little honey, and you blend it. You blend it. And what comes out is thick, creamy, magenta, gorgeous. People photograph this smoothie. I have witnesses. Statisticians have run the numbers on smoothie photographs and ours rank in the top tier. Easy math. Believe me.
Ingredients
- 2 cupsfrozen mixed berries (strawberry, blueberry, raspberry)(frozen, FROZEN, do not use fresh)
- 1 mediumripe banana(the spotty one nobody wants)
- 1/2 cupplain whole-milk Greek yogurt
- 3/4 cupmilk (whole, oat, or almond)
- 1-2 tbsphoney or maple syrup(to taste)
- 1/2 tspvanilla extract
- 4-5ice cubes(optional, only if you want it thicker)
Steps
- 1
Add the milk to the blender first — liquid on the bottom helps the blades catch everything.
- 2
Add the Greek yogurt, banana (broken into chunks), honey, and vanilla.
- 3
Add the frozen berries last so they sit closest to the blades.
- 4
Blend on low for 15 seconds, then increase to high and blend 30-45 seconds until completely smooth and thick. If the blender struggles, stop and scrape down the sides — don't add more liquid right away.
- 5
Taste. Add another teaspoon of honey if the berries were tart, or a splash more milk if it's too thick to pour.
- 6
Pour into two chilled glasses. Serve immediately.
One more thing
Three minutes. Three. That's it. You toss the stuff in the blender, the blender does the work — the blender is the unsung hero of the modern kitchen, by the way, somebody should give the blender a medal, it just shows up every day and does its job and nobody thanks it — and you walk away with two glasses of the best berry smoothie of your life. Tremendous. Tremendous. Now go eat.
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