The Best Birthday Cake
Prep
30m
Cook
30m
Total
60m
Bigly says
Sit down for this one. We are doing birthday cake. THE birthday cake. The cake that should be on every kitchen table in America the second a candle goes near a frosting, and instead — instead, folks, and this hurts me — instead what most kids get is a plastic clamshell of supermarket sponge that tastes like sweetened drywall with food coloring on top. Sad. Truly sad. The children deserve better. The children DESERVE BETTER. And today we fix it.
My grandmother made this cake. Tough woman. Hands like a stonemason. She didn't smile much but she smiled when she pulled this out of the oven, and let me tell you, when she smiled the kitchen went QUIET, you could hear the butter cooling. She taught me three rules. Cake flour, not all-purpose — cake flour is non-negotiable, the so-called experts will tell you 'oh just sift the all-purpose,' those people are saboteurs, ignore them. Yolks AND whole eggs — the extra yolks are what make the crumb golden and tender, that's just a fact, food chemists agree, I had a guy with a PhD explain this to me and it was tremendous. And real chopped chocolate in the frosting, not 'chocolate flavored,' which is the world's biggest legal lie, a total disgrace to chocolate, an INSULT.
Rainbow sprinkles on top because birthday cakes have rainbow sprinkles on top — the long ones, jimmies, not those tiny round nonpareils that taste like nothing and skitter all over the counter like they're trying to escape. Jimmies. Period. The kids can tell. The kids ALWAYS can tell. They are the most honest food critics on Earth, more honest than any restaurant reviewer, and if you put this cake in front of them they will go silent and stare at it like it's an event, which is exactly what it is. Tremendous. Tremendous.
Ingredients
- 2 3/4 cupscake flour(cake flour, not all-purpose, do not substitute)
- 2 1/2 tspbaking powder
- 3/4 tspkosher salt
- 1 cup (2 sticks)unsalted butter, room temperature
- 1 3/4 cupsgranulated sugar
- 3large eggs, room temperature
- 2large egg yolks(yolks only — they make the crumb golden and tender)
- 2 tsppure vanilla extract
- 1 cupbuttermilk, room temperature
- 8 ozsemisweet chocolate, finely chopped (for frosting)(real chocolate bar, not chips, chips have stabilizers)
- 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks)unsalted butter, room temperature (for frosting)
- 3 1/2 cupspowdered sugar, sifted
- 1/2 cupunsweetened cocoa powder, sifted
- 1 tsppure vanilla extract (for frosting)
- 1/4 tspkosher salt (for frosting)
- 3-4 tbspheavy cream
- 1/2 cuprainbow sprinkles(the long ones, jimmies, not nonpareils)
Steps
- 1
Heat oven to 350°F. Butter two 9-inch round cake pans, line the bottoms with parchment, butter and flour the pans.
- 2
Whisk cake flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.
- 3
In a stand mixer with the paddle, beat butter and sugar on medium-high for 4-5 minutes until very light and fluffy.
- 4
Add the whole eggs one at a time on medium, beating well after each. Add the yolks and vanilla and beat to combine.
- 5
On low speed, add the flour mixture in three additions alternating with the buttermilk in two, starting and ending with flour. Mix just until smooth — do not overmix.
- 6
Divide the batter between the two pans and smooth the tops. Bake 28-32 minutes, until the centers spring back and a toothpick comes out clean.
- 7
Cool in the pans 10 minutes, then turn out onto a rack and cool completely (at least 1 hour).
- 8
For the frosting: melt the chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl over a pot of barely simmering water or in 20-second microwave bursts. Cool until still fluid but no longer hot, about 5 minutes.
- 9
Beat the butter on medium-high for 3 minutes until pale. Add powdered sugar and cocoa on low speed. Add vanilla, salt, and the melted chocolate. Beat on medium-high for 3 minutes. Add cream a tablespoon at a time until silky and spreadable.
- 10
Place one cake layer on a plate. Spread about 1 1/4 cups of frosting on top. Add the second layer and frost the top and sides.
- 11
Press rainbow sprinkles around the bottom edge and scatter generously across the top. Let set 20 minutes before slicing.
One more thing
You put this cake on the table with candles in it and the room goes QUIET. Kids stop running. Adults stop checking their phones. Grandma stops complaining about the weather. Everybody just stares. That's the power of a real birthday cake. That's the gift. The cake does the work. The cake brings the family back. It's a beautiful thing.
★ QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE? ★
Ask Bigly about The Best Birthday Cake.
Substitutions, what to serve it with, why other chefs are wrong about it. He's got opinions.
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