The Best Grilled Vegetables

Folks. Grilled vegetables. We're doing grilled vegetables. The BEST grilled vegetables. And I have to tell you, the state of grilled vegetables in this country is a TRAGEDY. A total disaster. You go to a backyard barbecue, somebody's uncle — there's always an uncle, every family has the uncle, you know the uncle — the uncle puts vegetables on the grill, and what do you get? Pale zucchini. Limp peppers. A piece of squash that has somehow turned into SOUP while still being on the grill. How does that happen? Nobody knows. Science can't explain it. Sad.

I've eaten grilled vegetables in every state. Twice. I had a version of this in a hut in the Andes — the man who made it cried when I told him it was good. And the best grilled peppers of my life? Gas station in Albuquerque, behind a glass case. True story. So I know vegetables. Nobody knows vegetables better than me. My grilled vegetables? Char marks like a tiger's stripes. Smoky on the outside, tender but still WITH STRUCTURE on the inside — structure, vegetables need structure, a vegetable without structure is just a wet rag on a plate — and finished with a quick balsamic-herb drizzle that will make your guests pull you aside and whisper, 'how. How did you do this.' Maybe you'll tell them. Maybe you'll just smile mysteriously. The combover helps with the mystery.

The trick — and most chefs are afraid to do this, restaurant kitchens cut this corner — is high heat, dry vegetables, and oil ON the vegetables, NEVER on the grill. Oil on the grates is a fireball, a CATASTROPHE, your neighbor calls the fire department, the whole street is talking about you. Big strong men, tough men, pour oil straight on the grates and they LEARN. They come up to me afterward — eyebrows missing, just gone — and they say 'why didn't you tell me.' I did tell them. They didn't listen. Now you're listening. Trust me.

You bring this platter out at a cookout, the burgers are JEALOUS. The hot dogs are looking at the floor. Nobody is talking to the potato salad anymore — the potato salad knows what it did. People will skip the meat for these vegetables. Real people. Big people. Tough people. They'll say 'I'm not even hungry for the steak, give me more of those peppers.' It happens. Every weekend. Tremendous vegetables, hands down. You're welcome.