The Best Smoked Turkey
Prep
30m
Cook
360m
Total
390m
Bigly says
Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you had a TURKEY — a real turkey, a juicy turkey, a turkey that did not require half a bottle of gravy to swallow? Be honest. Look in the mirror. Most turkey is DRY. Most turkey is a disgrace. Most turkey ruins the holiday. People sit around the table, they smile, they say 'great turkey, Linda' — Linda KNOWS. Linda knows the turkey is dry. We all know. The turkey is the elephant in the room, except it is a bird, and it is sad, and Linda is doing her best with what she has. We don't blame Linda. We blame the OVEN. The oven is the villain of the turkey story.
The smoker is the hero. The smoker does not lie. The smoker does not blast the bird with 350-degree hot air for four hours like some kind of medieval torture device. The smoker is GENTLE. The smoker WHISPERS to the turkey. Low heat, real wood smoke, slow patience, and what comes off the grate is a turkey that is JUICY, FLAVORED, with mahogany skin that looks like a piece of furniture you'd buy at a fancy store. Tremendous. Absolutely tremendous. The Pilgrims did not have smokers. That is the only thing the Pilgrims did wrong, and we are correcting it today.
That chef on TV — you know the one — does this wrong. They hedge, they double-bake, they wrap the breast in foil like cowards, they have a 'backup turkey' in the oven, and what is a BACKUP TURKEY, exactly? That is a confession. That is an admission that you do not trust yourself. We trust ourselves here. We do not need a backup. People come up to me — big strong men, men who have carved a thousand birds — they say, 'Bigly, the turkey, I cannot go back, Thanksgiving is ruined for me, in a good way, I cry during the parade now because I am so happy.' Real testimonial. Why would I make it up. End of discussion.
Ingredients
- 12-14 lbwhole turkey(fresh if possible, fully thawed if frozen, NEVER a self-basting bird, the chemicals are an insult)
- 1 gallonwater(for the brine)
- 1 cupkosher salt(for the brine — Diamond Crystal)
- 1/2 cupbrown sugar(for the brine)
- 2 tbspblack peppercorns
- 4bay leaves
- 8garlic cloves, smashed
- 1 small bunchfresh thyme
- 1 gallonice water(to cool the brine and finish covering the bird)
- 1/2 cupunsalted butter, softened
- 1 tbspsmoked paprika
- 2 tspgarlic powder
- 2 tsponion powder
- 1 tbspcoarse black pepper
- 2 tbspfresh sage, chopped
- as neededapple or cherry wood chunks
Steps
- 1
Make the brine: combine 1 gallon of water with the salt, brown sugar, peppercorns, bay leaves, smashed garlic, and thyme in a large pot. Bring to a simmer, stirring until the salt and sugar dissolve. Remove from heat.
- 2
Pour the hot brine into a large food-safe brining bag or container, then add the gallon of ice water to cool it completely.
- 3
Remove giblets from the turkey, rinse the bird, and submerge it in the cold brine. Refrigerate 12-18 hours (do not over-brine — too long makes the meat mushy).
- 4
Remove the turkey from the brine. Rinse briefly under cold water, then pat completely dry inside and out with paper towels. Place on a wire rack over a sheet pan and refrigerate uncovered 2-4 hours to dry the skin.
- 5
In a bowl, mash the softened butter with the smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, coarse pepper, and sage.
- 6
Gently slide your fingers between the skin and the breast meat to loosen the skin. Spread half the seasoned butter directly on the meat under the skin. Rub the remaining butter over the outside of the skin.
- 7
Preheat smoker to 275°F (135°C) with apple or cherry wood chunks.
- 8
Place the turkey breast-side up directly on the smoker grate. Smoke until the breast registers 160°F (71°C) and the thigh registers 170°F (77°C), about 30-40 minutes per pound (5-6 hours for a 12-14 lb bird).
- 9
If the skin browns too quickly, tent loosely with foil after the first 3 hours.
- 10
Transfer the turkey to a board, tent loosely with foil, and rest 30 minutes — carryover heat will bring the breast to a safe 165°F. Carve and serve.
One more thing
Carve it at the table. Do not carve it in the kitchen like a coward, hiding the bird from the people who love you. Bring the whole thing out, the mahogany skin glistening, a wisp of smoke still rising off the breast, let them SEE it, let them gasp, let your uncle stop arguing about football for FIVE SECONDS to acknowledge what you have done. That is the moment. That is the whole holiday. The turkey is the centerpiece, the turkey is the king, and this year, finally, the king is JUICY. Now go eat.
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