The Greatest Cheesecake
Prep
30m
Cook
80m
Total
110m
Bigly says
Sit down for this one. Cheesecake. Cheesecake! I want to talk about cheesecake, the GREATEST cheesecake in the history of cheesecake, and I've eaten more of it than any person currently breathing — slabs, wedges, towers, an entire pan once on a dare in 2019, and I still woke up the next morning and ate a small piece for breakfast because life is for living. This one, the one I'm giving you, beats every cheesecake I've ever had. Hands down.
And the cheesecake situation in this country right now? A disgrace. A national embarrassment. You walk into a restaurant, you order cheesecake, what do you get? A frozen wedge with a wet glossy top and a crack down the middle the size of the Grand Canyon. Twelve dollars. TWELVE DOLLARS for sad gas-station cake. The so-called pastry chefs on television — you know the ones, with the perfect aprons and the bowls full of nothing — they will not say the words 'water bath.' Ever. They are AFRAID of it. They give you a recipe that says 'bake at 350 for 60 minutes' and then act surprised when your cheesecake splits like a tectonic event. Cowards. Every one of them.
Here's what nobody tells you — and I had a food chemist explain this to me, a real one, with a clipboard and everything, took him an hour, worth it — cheesecake is custard. CUSTARD. It is not bread, it is not pie, it is not 'just throw it in the oven and hope.' Custards need GENTLE heat. They need a calm, humid little spa for the duration of the bake. That is what a water bath is. My cheesecake is TALL. It is CREAMY. Silky in the middle, just barely set at the edges, and the top is smooth as polished glass — no cracks, none, not one. Room-temperature cream cheese, because cold cream cheese makes lumps and lumps in cheesecake are a CRIME against the dessert course. We do not overmix — air is the enemy of cheesecake, air makes cracks, air ruins lives. Period.
Ingredients
- 2 cupsgraham cracker crumbs(about 16 full crackers crushed)
- 3 tbspgranulated sugar (for crust)
- 1/4 tspkosher salt (for crust)
- 7 tbspunsalted butter, melted
- 32 oz (4 blocks)full-fat cream cheese, room temperature(ROOM TEMPERATURE, do not skip)
- 1 1/4 cupsgranulated sugar (for filling)
- 3 tbspall-purpose flour
- 1/2 tspkosher salt (for filling)
- 1 cupsour cream, full-fat, room temperature
- 2 tspvanilla extract
- 1 tsplemon zest, fresh
- 4large eggs, room temperature
- 1large egg yolk
Steps
- 1
Heat the oven to 350°F. Wrap the bottom and outside of a 9-inch springform pan with two layers of heavy-duty aluminum foil, going up the sides — this keeps water out during the bath.
- 2
Make the crust: In a bowl, stir together the graham cracker crumbs, sugar, salt, and melted butter until evenly moistened. Press firmly into the bottom and about 1/2 inch up the sides of the springform pan.
- 3
Bake the crust for 10 minutes, then set on a rack to cool. Reduce the oven temperature to 325°F.
- 4
In the bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment (or a large bowl with a hand mixer), beat the room-temperature cream cheese on medium-low until completely smooth, scraping the bowl often, about 2 minutes. Do not whip — you want smooth, not airy.
- 5
Add the sugar, flour, and salt and beat on low until fully combined and smooth, scraping the bowl as needed.
- 6
Add the sour cream, vanilla, and lemon zest and mix on low until just combined.
- 7
Add the eggs and yolk one at a time, mixing on low and scraping between additions, just until each is incorporated. Stop the moment the last egg disappears.
- 8
Pour the batter over the cooled crust and smooth the top. Tap the pan firmly on the counter several times to release any air bubbles.
- 9
Set the foil-wrapped springform pan in a large roasting pan. Place in the oven, then carefully pour hot water into the roasting pan until it reaches about 1 inch up the sides of the springform.
- 10
Bake at 325°F for 70-80 minutes, until the edges are set and the center still has a slight jiggle (like firm Jell-O). Do not open the oven repeatedly.
- 11
Turn off the oven, crack the door, and let the cheesecake cool in the oven for 1 hour. This gradual cool-down prevents cracks.
- 12
Remove from the water bath, peel off the foil, and run a thin knife around the edge of the cheesecake to release it from the pan sides. Cool on a rack to room temperature, then refrigerate uncovered for at least 6 hours, preferably overnight.
- 13
Unmold and slice with a hot, dry knife, wiping the blade clean between cuts.
One more thing
You pull it from the fridge, you unmold it, and you stare. It's tall. It's smooth. The top is polished marble. No cracks. NONE. You slice with a hot knife — clean cut, clean line, the kind of slice that ends arguments at a dinner party — and you put it on a plate. Plain. No berries. No sauce. No drizzle. Cheesecake this good doesn't need accessories, doesn't want them, would frankly be insulted by them. Tough guys, men who never cry, take one bite and start dabbing their eyes with a napkin. I've seen it personally, in person, with my own eyes. Beautiful.
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