Name: The Greatest Guacamole
Prep time: 10 min
Total time: 10 min
Yield: 6 servings
Ingredients: 4 large ripe Hass avocados; 1/3 cup white onion, finely diced; 1 serrano chile, seeded and minced; 1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped; 2 tbsp lime juice, fresh; 3/4 tsp, plus more to taste kosher salt; 1 Roma tomato, seeded and diced (optional)

The Greatest Guacamole

Prep

10m

Cook

Total

10m

Bigly says

Hand on heart. THE GREATEST guacamole in recorded history — and there has been a LOT of guacamole, the Aztecs were mashing avocados a thousand years ago, tremendous people, tremendous mashers, food historians agree — and this bowl, the one I am about to hand you, no charge, no e-book to subscribe to, beats every single one of them. Every bowl. Hands down.

Now let me tell you what most guacamole is. Most guacamole is GARBAGE. A sad green paste that tastes like nothing. Over-blended in a food processor — and I want to be clear, the food processor is the ENEMY here, the food processor commits VIOLENCE on avocados, turns them into sad green baby food — and then weighed down with sour cream, with mayonnaise, with cumin, with RANCH seasoning. A guy I know swears he saw someone put peas in guacamole once. Peas. In guacamole. Who approved this. A crime against the avocado.

The greatest guacamole has FIVE ingredients. Five. That's the whole list. Avocado, lime, salt, onion, cilantro. Maybe a serrano if you have any heat in your soul — and you should, because the timid people make timid guacamole. A guy named Ramón taught me this in a kitchen with a single bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. He didn't speak much. He didn't have to. He handed me a molcajete and watched. The word 'guacamole' comes from the Nahuatl 'āhuacamolli' — avocado sauce. Avocado. Sauce. Not avocado-and-tomato-and-garlic-powder-and-a-dash-of-cumin sauce. AVOCADO SAUCE. Respect the original. Period.

Ingredients

4 largeripe Hass avocados(they should give slightly under thumb pressure — rock-hard is a no, mush is a worse no)
1/3 cupwhite onion, finely diced(white onion, not red, red is for salads)
1serrano chile, seeded and minced(jalapeño is the JV team — serrano is the answer)
1/4 cupfresh cilantro, chopped
2 tbsplime juice, fresh(fresh, from a real lime, the green plastic bottle should be illegal)
3/4 tsp, plus more to tastekosher salt
1Roma tomato, seeded and diced (optional)(only if it's actually ripe — a cardboard winter tomato ruins the whole bowl)

Steps

1
Halve the avocados, remove the pits, and scoop the flesh into a medium bowl.
2
Add the salt and lime juice. Mash with a fork or a molcajete to your preferred texture — leave it chunky, do not puree.
3
Fold in the diced onion, serrano, and cilantro. Stir gently just until combined.
4
Taste. Adjust with more salt or lime as needed — guacamole almost always needs more salt than you think.
5
If using, fold in the diced tomato last so it stays intact.
6
Press a piece of plastic wrap directly against the surface if not serving immediately. Serve within an hour for best color. Eat with warm tortilla chips.

One more thing

That's the whole thing. Five ingredients, ten minutes, zero shortcuts. Other chefs will give you nineteen variations and a paragraph about their honeymoon in Cabo before you can scroll to the ingredient list. Bigly does not have time. You do not have time. The chips are getting stale waiting. Make the guacamole. Eat the guacamole. Live a better life. Tell your friends.