Tremendous Drunken Noodles
Prep
15m
Cook
10m
Total
25m
Bigly says
Sit down for this one. Pad kee mao. PAD KEE MAO. The smoky noodles, the wide noodles, the noodles with the wok char that most so-called chefs cannot — and I mean cannot, it's not even close — replicate on their sad little electric stovetops with their sad little nonstick pans. They try. They fail. The pan goes lukewarm, the noodles steam, the dream dies. A total disaster.
Many people don't know this, and that chef on TV — you know the one, the one who keeps yelling 'pop' and 'crank it up' like he invented heat — many people don't know that the 'drunken' in drunken noodles has nothing to do with alcohol. NONE. Zero. There is no booze in it. It's called drunken noodles because they're so bold and spicy and aromatic that you eat them with the enthusiasm of someone who has had a few, no subtlety, no manners, just shoveling. I respect that approach. That's how I eat everything. Period.
The best plate of these I ever had was on a plastic stool on a sidewalk in Bangkok at two in the morning. True story. The cook didn't speak. He looked at the wok, looked at me, looked back at the wok, and handed over a plate that rearranged my opinions about noodles forever. He had ONE burner. One. It sounded like a jet taking off. People come up to me at events and they ask, 'Bigly, how do you get that smoke, how do you get that wok hei at home,' and I tell them: HOT PAN. The hottest you've got. Don't crowd, don't dawdle, don't second-guess. The other guys dump everything in cold and stir it like a sad little soup. Trust me, the noodles deserve better.
Ingredients
- 12 ozwide rice noodles (fresh if possible, otherwise dried 'pad see ew' style)(fresh is better, the dried ones are fine, the canned ones do not exist do not look for them)
- 1 lbboneless skinless chicken thighs, sliced thin(thighs, not breasts, breasts go dry and sad)
- 6 clovesgarlic, minced
- 3-5Thai bird's eye chilies, minced(adjust to your tolerance, but the whole point is heat)
- 1 mediumshallot, sliced
- 2 cupsChinese broccoli or broccolini, chopped(stems separated from leaves)
- 1red bell pepper, sliced thin
- 1 cup, packedfresh holy basil leaves (or Thai basil)(holy basil is best, Thai basil works, sweet basil is a compromise we will not speak of again)
- 3 tbspoyster sauce
- 2 tbspsoy sauce
- 1 tbspdark soy sauce (for color)(different from regular, look for 'dark' on the label)
- 1 tbspfish sauce
- 2 tspsugar
- 3 tbsp, dividedneutral oil (peanut or vegetable)
Steps
- 1
Prepare the noodles: if using fresh, gently separate them with your hands and set aside. If using dried, soak in hot (not boiling) water for 8-10 minutes until pliable but still firm. Drain and toss with a teaspoon of oil to prevent sticking.
- 2
Whisk oyster sauce, soy sauce, dark soy, fish sauce, and sugar in a small bowl. Set aside.
- 3
Heat a wok or large skillet over the highest heat you have until it smokes. Add 1 tbsp oil, swirl, then add the chicken in a single layer. Sear 2 minutes without moving, then stir-fry 1 more minute until just cooked through. Transfer to a plate.
- 4
Add another 1 tbsp oil to the wok. Add garlic, chilies, and shallot. Stir-fry 30 seconds until fragrant — don't burn the garlic.
- 5
Add the Chinese broccoli stems and bell pepper. Stir-fry 1 minute, then add the leaves and stir another 30 seconds until wilted.
- 6
Push everything to the side. Add the last 1 tbsp oil to the empty side. Add the noodles and let them sear undisturbed for 30 seconds to get a little char.
- 7
Pour the sauce over the noodles. Toss everything together — noodles, vegetables, and chicken — for 1-2 minutes until the sauce coats everything and the noodles take on a deep color.
- 8
Turn off the heat and immediately stir in the basil leaves. They'll wilt from residual heat. Serve immediately.
One more thing
Look, you make this once, you'll never order delivery drunken noodles again. The delivery version is fine, sure, it's fine, but it shows up lukewarm and weirdly sweet and it doesn't have the char, the smoke, the SOUL. Yes, soul. You can put soul in your noodles. Imagine that — telling someone, with a straight face, that your noodles have soul, and being completely correct about it. That's what we're doing here at BiglyEats. Tremendous noodles. Soulful noodles. Now go eat.
★ QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE? ★
Ask Bigly about Tremendous Drunken Noodles.
Substitutions, what to serve it with, why other chefs are wrong about it. He's got opinions.
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