Name: Tremendous Eggnog
Prep time: 10 min
Cook time: 15 min
Total time: 25 min
Yield: 6 servings
Ingredients: 6 large egg yolks; 1/2 cup granulated sugar; 2 cups whole milk; 1 cup heavy cream; 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract; 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon; 1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg; 1 pinch kosher salt; 1/2 cup bourbon, rum, or brandy (optional); as needed extra nutmeg (for serving)

Tremendous Eggnog

Prep

10m

Cook

15m

Total

25m

Bigly says

Pay attention. Eggnog. We are doing eggnog today, and what I'm about to share with you is going to permanently alter the way you experience the holidays. The eggnog from the store — the yellow carton, the one that materializes in the dairy case in October and vanishes by January like a witness in a movie — that eggnog is a total disaster. It's a thickened yellow liquid. It's a gel. It's a science fair project that didn't place. Texture of glue, flavor of a Christmas card that fell in a puddle. Sad. So sad.

Real eggnog — and I have had MORE eggnog than any single human being on Earth, look it up, I had people look it up, they came back and they said 'Bigly, the numbers are unbelievable, it's not even a contest' — real eggnog is made with eggs. Actual eggs. From actual birds. And cream. And whole milk. And a real grating of fresh nutmeg, not the dust hiding at the back of the cupboard since 2017. FRESH nutmeg, grated over the top like a wizard casting a spell. People see you grate fresh nutmeg, their whole opinion of you upgrades on the spot. It's POWERFUL.

Now, the method — and this is where the food chemists agree with me, I had a guy with a PhD in dairy chemistry explain custard formation to me once, took him ninety minutes, every second of it was a privilege — the method is COOKED custard. We're making cooked eggnog, the safe kind, the kind you can hand to anyone in the room, including your mother-in-law, and she will be so impressed she will finally drop that thing from Thanksgiving. Most chefs are afraid to do this. They think it's fussy. They hand you a raw egg in a glass and call it tradition. Tradition is no excuse for salmonella. End of discussion.

Ingredients

6large egg yolks(save the whites for an omelet, do not throw them out, sad waste)
1/2 cupgranulated sugar
2 cupswhole milk
1 cupheavy cream
1 1/2 tspvanilla extract
1/4 tspground cinnamon
1/2 tspfreshly grated nutmeg(fresh, from a whole nutmeg, the old brown jar is dead to us)
1 pinchkosher salt
1/2 cupbourbon, rum, or brandy (optional)(for the adults only, kids get a separate pitcher)
as neededextra nutmeg (for serving)

Steps

1
In a medium bowl, whisk the egg yolks and sugar together until the mixture is pale yellow and slightly thickened, about 1-2 minutes.
2
In a medium saucepan, combine the whole milk, heavy cream, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. Heat over medium until the mixture is steaming but not boiling, about 5 minutes.
3
Slowly pour about 1 cup of the hot milk mixture into the egg yolks, whisking constantly. This tempers the yolks so they don't scramble. Go slow.
4
Pour the tempered yolk mixture back into the saucepan with the rest of the milk, whisking the whole time.
5
Cook over medium-low heat, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon or silicone spatula, until the eggnog thickens just enough to coat the back of the spoon — about 5-7 minutes. The temperature should hit 160°F / 71°C. Do NOT let it boil.
6
Immediately strain the eggnog through a fine-mesh sieve into a clean pitcher or bowl to remove any tiny cooked egg bits.
7
Stir in the vanilla extract. If using, stir in the bourbon, rum, or brandy now.
8
Cover and refrigerate at least 4 hours, or overnight, until completely cold and thickened. Stir before serving.
9
Serve in small glasses with a fresh grating of nutmeg on top.

One more thing

That's eggnog. Real eggnog. The kind they used to make before everything came in a carton with a printed snowman on the side. Pour it in small glasses — small, this stuff is RICH, you don't need a big glass, anyone who pours eggnog in a big glass is showing off — grate fresh nutmeg on top, and watch the room go quiet. That is the sound of victory. That is the sound of the holidays being WON. By you. By eggnog. By me, indirectly, because I gave you the recipe. It's a beautiful thing.

★ QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE? ★

Ask Bigly about Tremendous Eggnog.

Substitutions, what to serve it with, why other chefs are wrong about it. He's got opinions.

Tremendous Eggnog

Ingredients

Steps

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