Tremendous Homemade Hot Pockets
Prep
25m
Cook
22m
Total
47m
Bigly says
Hot pockets. HOT POCKETS. HOMEMADE hot pockets. Tremendous, tremendous hot pockets. We are taking back this food from the freezer aisle TODAY — today, right now, in this kitchen — because I have eaten the frozen ones, I have eaten them in airports, in gas stations, in places I will not name, and let me tell you something: the frozen ones are a CRIME. They burn your mouth on the outside while staying frozen in the middle, the cheese is a substance, not a food, just a SUBSTANCE, and the crust tastes like a manila envelope. A SAD manila envelope. We can do better. We MUST do better.
And we will. What I'm about to give you is a hot pocket so far superior to the frozen version that the frozen version will hide in shame. It will retreat into the freezer and never come out. It will know it has lost. The best hot pocket of my life, before this one, was in a gas station in Albuquerque — true story, I do not lie about gas-station food — and even THAT one would step aside for what we're making today. It would tip its little foil sleeve in respect. Game over.
Flaky golden dough. Real cheese, the kind that stretches when you pull it apart like in the commercials, except in the commercials it's a LIE and here it's REAL. Seasoned beef or ham, your choice, we're not the food police. People come up to me, they say, 'Bigly, I made the homemade hot pockets and now my children respect me.' And I believe them. Why wouldn't I. The hot pockets do that. It's just a fact.
Ingredients
- 3 cups, plus more for dustingall-purpose flour
- 2 1/4 tsp (1 packet)instant yeast
- 1 tbspgranulated sugar
- 1 tspkosher salt
- 1 cupwarm water (about 110°F)
- 2 tbspolive oil
- 1/2 lbground beef, 85/15
- 1/2 smallyellow onion, finely diced
- 2 clovesgarlic, minced
- 2 tbsptomato paste
- 1 tspItalian seasoning
- 3/4 tspkosher salt (for filling)
- 1/2 tspblack pepper
- 1.5 cupslow-moisture mozzarella, shredded(shred from the block, the bagged stuff is coated in sawdust, basically)
- 1/2 cupsharp cheddar, shredded
- 1egg, beaten (for egg wash)
- 1 tbspsesame seeds (optional)
Steps
- 1
Whisk the flour, yeast, sugar, and salt in a large bowl. Pour in the warm water and olive oil and stir until a shaggy dough forms.
- 2
Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead 6-8 minutes until smooth and elastic. (Or use a stand mixer with a dough hook for 5 minutes.)
- 3
Place the dough in a lightly oiled bowl, cover with a towel, and let rise in a warm spot 45 minutes, until nearly doubled.
- 4
While the dough rises, make the filling. Heat a skillet over medium-high. Add the ground beef and onion and cook 5-6 minutes until the beef is browned and no pink remains. Drain off excess fat.
- 5
Add the garlic, tomato paste, Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper. Cook 1 minute more, stirring, until the tomato paste darkens slightly. Transfer to a plate and let cool to room temperature.
- 6
Preheat the oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment.
- 7
Punch down the dough and divide into 6 equal pieces. On a lightly floured surface, roll each piece into a roughly 6x8-inch rectangle.
- 8
On one half of each rectangle, layer about 2 tablespoons of the meat mixture and a generous pinch each of mozzarella and cheddar, leaving a 1/2-inch border around the edges.
- 9
Brush the borders with a little water. Fold the dough over the filling to form a rectangle and press the edges firmly to seal, then crimp with a fork.
- 10
Place the pockets on the prepared baking sheet. Brush the tops with beaten egg, sprinkle with sesame seeds if using, and cut two small slits in the top of each to vent steam.
- 11
Bake 20-22 minutes until deeply golden brown. Let rest 5 minutes before eating — the filling is molten.
One more thing
Look at what you've done. You have made hot pockets from scratch, with your hands, with FLOUR — flour you measured yourself — and they are golden, they are flaky, they are leaking just a little bit of cheese in the most beautiful way, like a buttery little volcano. Pack them in lunches, stash them in the fridge for late nights, freeze them and reheat in the oven (NOT the microwave, the microwave is the enemy of crust). The freezer aisle is officially obsolete. Tell your friends. They won't believe you. Make them one. They will believe you. Save me a piece.
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