Tremendous Pimento Cheese Burger

Listen to me. Pimento cheese. PIMENTO CHEESE. The caviar of the South, the most underrated condiment in the history of condiments — and I've had them all, every condiment, ketchup, mustard, that weird brown sauce in England that nobody can describe to me even when I ask politely — none of them touch pimento cheese. Not even close. It's a slaughter.

Now take that pimento cheese — beautiful, orange, slightly tangy, slightly spicy, perfectly creamy, sharp cheddar and mayonnaise and roasted peppers all swirled together — and you put it on a hot just-off-the-grill cheeseburger, where the cheese melts INTO the pimento cheese, where they become one substance, one BEING — that right there is what people in the South have known for a hundred years while the rest of the country squinted at them like they were speaking Old Norse. Finally catching up. About time. A disgrace it took this long.

And most chefs are afraid to do this. Afraid! Of pimento cheese! They'll hand you a 'pimento cheese' that's basically orange paste from a tub, the kind of paste that comes in a plastic container with a label that lies about what's inside. Embarrassing. Not in this kitchen. We're shredding the cheese ourselves. We're using REAL mayo. We're using the diced pimentos from a little jar, the little jar with the screw top, you know the one. An old Italian woman cornered me once and tried to tell me pimento cheese was a sandwich spread for picnics — wrong, ma'am, with all respect, it is a BURGER topping, it is a religious experience between two potato buns, and the South has been quietly winning while everyone else argued about ketchup. Hands down.

And that's it. That's pimento cheese on a burger and you will never be the same person again. The South has been quietly keeping this from the rest of the country and frankly we need an investigation, a real one, with subpoenas — but until then we have the recipe and we have each other. Make it. Make it for people you love. Make it for people you tolerate. Make it for yourself on a Tuesday because Tuesdays are hard. The burger fixes Tuesdays. The burger fixes a lot of things. Tell your friends.