Tremendous Red Velvet Cake
Prep
30m
Cook
30m
Total
60m
Bigly says
Red velvet cake. Red velvet CAKE. The most BEAUTIFUL cake. The most DRAMATIC cake. The cake that walks into a room and says 'I am here and I am important and you will look at me.' Tremendous. Tremendous cake. I've had more cake than any person in the recorded history of cake — the pharaohs had cake, did you know that, the pyramids ran on cake, the historians are FURIOUS that nobody talks about it — and red velvet, when it's done right, is the queen of cakes. King of cakes. Whatever you want. It rules.
Now here's the problem. 95% of red velvet cakes are FAKE red velvet. They're just chocolate cake with a bottle of food coloring dumped in. Sad. Tragic. A crime against velvet. Real red velvet has a delicate, tangy buttermilk flavor, a whisper of cocoa — not a shout, a WHISPER, the cocoa is supposed to support the cake, not steal the spotlight, that's the rule, I make the rules — and a crumb so tender it practically dissolves on your tongue like a beautiful red snowflake of joy. Plus the cream cheese frosting. We're going to talk about that frosting. We're going to TALK about it.
The secret is the VINEGAR. Yes, vinegar. In a CAKE. People are shocked. Big bakers, professional bakers, people with PIPING BAGS, they come up to me, they say 'Bigly, vinegar?' I tell them yes. Vinegar reacts with the baking soda and gives the crumb that tender, almost cottony texture that makes red velvet what it IS. And buttermilk. And just a TOUCH of cocoa. And the cream cheese frosting is real cream cheese with real butter, not that whipped tub nonsense — the tub stuff is engineered to spread, they pump WATER into it, it's an embarrassment to dairy. Believe me.
Ingredients
- 2 1/2 cupsall-purpose flour
- 1 1/2 cupsgranulated sugar
- 1 tspbaking soda
- 1 tspkosher salt
- 2 tbspunsweetened cocoa powder(a whisper, not a shout)
- 1 1/2 cupsvegetable oil
- 1 cupbuttermilk, room temperature
- 2large eggs, room temperature
- 2 tbspred food coloring (gel preferred)
- 2 tspvanilla extract
- 1 tspdistilled white vinegar(do not skip, this is the magic)
- 16 oz (2 blocks)cream cheese, softened (for frosting)(block-style, never the tub, never)
- 1/2 cup (1 stick)unsalted butter, softened (for frosting)
- 4 cupspowdered sugar (for frosting)
- 1 tspvanilla extract (for frosting)
- 1 pinchpinch of salt (for frosting)
Steps
- 1
Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease and line the bottoms of two 9-inch round cake pans with parchment.
- 2
Whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder together in a large bowl.
- 3
In a separate bowl, whisk together oil, buttermilk, eggs, red food coloring, vanilla, and vinegar until completely combined.
- 4
Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and whisk just until smooth — do not overmix.
- 5
Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans, smoothing the tops.
- 6
Bake 28-32 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with a few moist crumbs.
- 7
Cool the cakes in their pans for 15 minutes, then turn out onto a rack and cool completely before frosting.
- 8
For the frosting: beat the cream cheese and butter on medium-high in a large bowl until completely smooth and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
- 9
Reduce mixer to low and add the powdered sugar 1 cup at a time, then the vanilla and a pinch of salt. Beat on medium-high another 2 minutes until light and spreadable.
- 10
Level the cake tops with a serrated knife if domed. Place one layer on a cake stand or plate, spread with about 1 1/2 cups of frosting, then top with the second layer.
- 11
Frost the top and sides of the cake. Chill 30 minutes to set before slicing.
One more thing
And there's the cake. The tremendous red velvet cake. Cut it with a sharp knife, wipe the blade between slices — and yes, wipe the blade, this is what separates winners from amateurs — and serve it cold or at room temp with a cup of strong coffee. It will photograph beautifully. It will taste even better than it photographs. Your guests will lose their minds. Some of them will cry. Big tough guests, men in fleece vests, women with expensive scarves, weeping into a cake plate. It happens. It's a fact. It's a beautiful thing.
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